If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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