my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
