Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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