there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
