yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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