He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
