I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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