I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize