Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
