Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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