My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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