Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize