i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
