We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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