chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
