It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
