I love black thongs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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