Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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