just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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