Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
