Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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