saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
