dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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