He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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