dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
