...so i touched it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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