How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
