I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
