I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
