I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
