Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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