Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
