You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
