i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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