I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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