Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
