he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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