Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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