I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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