apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
