it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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