i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
where are my pants?
in the oven.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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