Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
