Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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