Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
