Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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