It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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