I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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