Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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