we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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