I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
