I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
