I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
