If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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