I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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