You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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