All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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