Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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