I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
