i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
