Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize