Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
