you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
