Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
