you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
