If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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