why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize