I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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