I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
please don't ironically join a cult
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