I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
