im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize