Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
