I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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